When coaching, keep a “learner’s” perspective

Gene Mage

“Be patient with yourself,” I offered sympathetically to the struggling student. “These skills take years to master. Take it a step at a time.” Then, waxing eloquent upon my soapbox I began to expound upon how each of us needs to have empathy towards those we coach, that we were once young, green, inexperienced, blah, blah, blah.

A couple of days later, debriefing the week with my team, I further explored this idea. My client was having us work on internal consulting projects as a team. While team-based problem-solving sounds noble in concept, the reality of having other consultants kibitz you on your methods does not feel too great for the “lead” consultant.

And, joy of joys, I was appointed lead kibitzer for the day. And, after a rather ham-handed critique of a project underway, a little light went in my cerebral cortex. I was doing exactly what I was telling my students not to do just twenty-four hours ago. I was becoming the “teacher”, the “expert”, the “guru”, showing little empathy for those who have not been blessed with my unique mix of knowledge and life experience. So, taking my own advice, I stuck my tongue between my front teeth and bit down hard.

Stopping the action, we moved the conversation to how we were feeling about the process in that moment. I adjusted my approach. Later that day, I was able to provide some effective coaching, but only after I stepped down off the soap-box and remembered that I, too, am a work in progress. Find yourself tempted to assume a professorial tone with those in your care? Here are some suggestions (other than biting down hard on your tongue) for keeping a “learner’s” perspective when coaching others.

Be patient. Learners move at different paces. Fast starts do not always lead to great finishes. Sometimes a person who struggles to master a skill with a lot of effort will carry away far greater learning from the experience than the person who masters it on the first try, but gains no insight from the learning process.
Take time to explain. One of our primary mental traps is the assumption that everyone sees the context for what we are teaching because we have all the background. Never assume people know what you are talking about. Instead, gently take time to check in and help fill in the gaps.
Be willing to model. Nothing has proven to be a more powerful coaching method in the current work I am doing than demonstrating skills for the participants. Demonstrate the skills you wish to impart in both formal activities and in routine steps of the training process when the learner doesn’t “know” you are demonstrating the skill.
Affirm what is being done well. We cannot, and must not, view those around us as “broken” or “defective”. They may be less skilled, less experienced, or approach things from a different perspective, but that doesn’t make them “broken”. On the contrary, they are doing a lot of things right. You, or someone in your organization, hired them for a reason. Look for and see not only what they are doing well, but affirm their innate potential. Talk about what they are doing well and what they could become in the future, not just the mistakes they are making now.
Keep the lines of communication open. Coaching is a dialog, not an event. But it is also a shared learning experience. As both coach and “coachee” learn together, both grow in their capabilities and value to the organization. View the coaching process as an on-going series of conversations weaved into the regular course of day-to-day work. Be open to questions, interruptions, and even inconveniences in order to interact with your learner. Aren’t you glad somebody took time to work with you?

Syndicated columnist Gene C. Mage is author of the book Managing for High Performance. To contact Gene, visit www.makingitwork.com.