Seven lies we tell ourselves

Gene Mage

While we shade the truth with great facility in ordinary conversation, those “little white lies” pale in comparison to the lies we tell ourselves. To become all we can be we need to start telling ourselves the truth.

Do you recognize some of the following common self-deceptions? If one or more sound familiar, stand up and tell yourself, firmly, “That’s a lie!” Then with equal vigor affirm that which is true. Look over this list:

• Self-deception 1, “I would just die if…” We dread loss. We fear rejection. Therefore, we avoid situations that put us at risk. But pain cannot kill us. We have been hurt and rejected and we are still very much alive. We can handle a lot more than we think.
• Self-deception 2, “I need the approval of…” We define our self-worth in external terms. Perhaps our yardstick is a job, a relationship, status, prestige, or social acceptance. But no amount of praise will change who you are on the inside. Sometimes integrity demands we make an unpopular decision. Ponder before death the question, “Whose approval will I wish I had won in life?”
• Self-deception 3, “I will be happy when…” We tell ourselves that after the new job, the next promotion, the faster car, the bigger house, the more attractive partner, we have kids, the kids grow up, the kids move out, and we finally retire, then we will be happy. Guess what. If we are not happy now, no future circumstance will make us happy. We take ourselves with us wherever we go. We can find a way to make ourselves miserable even in the midst of the “good-life.” Happiness is an inside job. Make the choice, today, to start enjoying life right now, where you are, without waiting for some ethereal “what if”.
• Self-deception 4, “They need me…” A Bishop counseled a conceited young priest. Inserting his finger into a bowl of water on the nightstand, the Bishop asked his student to observe what happened when he removed his finger from the bowl. He asked, “How long did it take for the hole to disappear?” As the late George Harrison observed, “Life goes on within you, and without you.” Nobody is indispensable. We are all expendable extras who can be written off the show in next week’s episode.
• Self-deception 5, “I just couldn’t…” Oh how we disempower ourselves with foolish words. We tell ourselves lies such as, “I just couldn’t speak in public, make a sales call, learn the computer, go back to school, confront that problem employee, or face up to a tyrannical boss.” Really? I would bet that if someone walked into your place of work and offered you a million dollars to do one of those things you would instantly find all sorts of unexplored talents within yourself.
• Self-deception 6, “It’s _____________’s fault.” We love to play the victim. It is far easier to ascribe our shortcomings and disappointments to the evil acts of others than to admit that we created our circumstances through our own dumb choices. Until we take responsibility for our choices, we remain trapped by our victim-hood.
• Self-deception 7, “I can beat the odds.” Bad attitudes, mushy thinking, toxic substances, and indulgent lifestyles do not instantly cause us to drop dead or fail in life. At any given moment, we can get away with an awful lot of foolishness. With the passing of time, however, the odds always win. If we could beat the odds, the odds would change. We cannot beat the odds, but we can stack the odds in our favor. Then we only need to be right “most” of the time.

Visit www.makingitwork.com to view leadership development resources from Syndicated Columnist, Author and Speaker Gene C. Mage.