Are you a “rescuer” leader?

Gene Mage

Over the past fifteen years I have spoken with thousands of leaders in countries around the world. A troubling thread runs through those conversations. Well-intentioned leaders are too busy keeping things running to do the job of leadership. They are trapped in an endless cycle of crises and activity, barely able to keep their heads above water, let along do the work of leadership. They are not leaders; they are expediters.

These leaders remind me of an alcoholic’s codependent family members. Over and over they rescue the abuser because they feel responsible for “keeping the family afloat.” Each time the leaders steps in to rescue others, he or she protects them from the natural consequences of their choices. By enabling irresponsible behaviors, such as absenteeism, tardiness, and missed deadlines to continue, the rescuer-leader perpetuates a culture of mediocrity.

To break that cycle, leaders must do two things. First, they must embrace their stewardship over the people and resources entrusted into their care. Second, they must begin to hold others accountable for making and keeping their commitments through skillful leadership dialog. Unfortunately, both of these responsibilities take time, time that rescuer leaders do not have, since they are spending their time covering for others. The idea of learning new skills and embracing a new to-do list seems just too overwhelming.

The only way to escape from the trap is to call a “time-out”, and make a fresh start, beginning right away to do things differently. By learning to hold others responsible for their part, leaders can find the time to do their own part. Days that were formerly spent “doing” can be spent “leading.” Yes, everything gets done, but the leaders does not have to “do it all” anymore to be successful.

Want to set yourself free from the rescuer-leader trap? Follow these five steps.

1. Connect. Engage with others to better understand their needs, talents, and motivations. Before you can forge agreements across the interpersonal divide, you must first build a bridge of rapport and trust strong enough to bear the weight.
2. Clarify. According to research, the number one factor that drives performance is clear expectations. To create clear expectations, master the art of dialog. Listen first, ask for what you need, and agree together with others on how to make it happen.
3. Equip. Stop doing. Start teaching. Stop telling. Start modeling. Stop rescuing. Start trusting. Stop covering. Start letting people face the consequences of their own actions. Rescuers create helpless dependent children. Leaders create responsible adults.
4. Follow Up. Hold yourself and others accountable for the promises you make. Talk openly about how things are going. Instead of griping about broken commitments, learn to give peer to peer feedback in a respectful, non-judgmental tone.
5. Coordinate. Rather than manage a group of performers, begin to lead a work team. Invest time and energy in creating effective work processes, encouraging coordination among team members, and building shared values. Talk about how team success matters to individual success. Talk about how everyone’s job matters to the mission. Trust the team to identify and solve their own problems. Model effective teamwork behaviors in your own relationships, as a leader, with superiors and peers.

Moving from a “rescuing” mode to an “equipping” mode does not happen overnight. You can expect some employees and coworkers to resent your willingness to speak clearly and set boundaries. Some people like being dependent. They will not stand up and applaud you, necessarily, for making them act in a responsible way. Expect resistance, but hang in there. Empathize, but set high expectations. Model consistent behaviors, and hold others accountable for their commitments. The tide will turn in your favor eventually. Surround yourself with supportive friends and colleagues, but stay the course. It will be tough, but not nearly as painful as remaining trapped in a prison of endless crises and frenetic activity.

For more ideas on becoming “Free to Lead” from Leadership Development Author and Speaker Gene C. Mage, visit www.makingitwork.com.