One of us is to blame, and it’s not me

One of us is to blame, and it’s not me.

Gene Mage

This week’s column, the seventh in the series “Elephants in the office,” looks at one of the big drains on organizational productivity: blaming and finger-pointing.

This past Monday, driving through Lewisburg, Pennsylvania on my weekly trek to Maryland, I experienced how it felt to be misunderstood. In front of me was an elderly couple in a modest Dodge sedan, behind me an impatient mom in a compact SUV. As the green arrow lit up to make a left turn, the couple in the Dodge continued their conversation, failing to see that the light had changed. I felt impatient, but limited my expression of frustration to waving through the windshield hoping the couple in front of me would notice my hand gestures and begin to move. The mom behind me was less subtle about her displeasure. She leaned on the horn.

The people in front of me looked in the rear view mirror to see what impatient idiot was blaring the horn in their nice little town, and saw yours truly waving through my windshield. Chagrined, I pulled into the parking lot at Bechtel’s and skulked away for an ice cream cone.

Have you ever felt misunderstood? Have you ever been blamed for something that was just not your fault? I have, and it stinks. We feel helpless and vulnerable when someone prosecutes us when we know we are innocent. We feel violated and out of control when others impute bad motives to our actions despite all our good intentions.

Given how bad being blamed feels, is it any wonder that most people go to great lengths to deflect criticism? Far from being a deviant response, defensiveness is all too human. But, as with many of our natural instincts, initial reactions often yield poor results.

Think about a time when you really needed someone to deliver for you and they let you down. Think about how you felt. Remember what you thought about that person. “How could they do this to me? Why can’t people be competent, responsible and reliable? Why do I have to do everything myself???” Face it, you were mad. Your anger in that moment may well have come across to others as bullying or intimidating.

Now consider how refreshing it is to come across someone who actually takes responsibility. Isn’t it disarming when someone admits making a mistake? Isn’t it reassuring when someone proves reliable, to the point where you never have to worry about him delivering his promises?

What can we do to create a culture where people take responsibility? As leaders we have two challenges facing us.

First, we must take responsibility for our own actions. Are we keeping our promises? Do we avoid blaming and finger-pointing in our conversations with others? Do we hold ourselves accountable to the same standards we use to judge others? People are watching. When we own our behavior, share credit, and listen to bad news, we encourage others to do the same.

Second, we are challenged to build a climate where open, honest problem solving takes place. When we take a calm, problem-solving approach to dealing with mistakes, we will encourage openness on the part of others. When we shoot the messenger, we will encourage blaming and defensiveness.

My colleague in a manufacturing plant I used to work with kept a notebook he called his “CYA” book. He painstakingly compiled memos carbon copied to various people, along with time and phone logs, and other evidence to absolve him self of responsibility. I always wondered what new products, cost reductions, or process improvements could have been created with the time and energy that went into that notebook. We will never know. That plant was shut down recently after years of losing money.

Syndicated columnist Gene C. Mage is author of the book Managing for High Performance. To contact Gene, visit www.makingitwork.com.

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