Leader, support thyself

Gene Mage

Emotionally needy people have a hard time leading others. Before we can offer something, we must have something to offer. But if we are emotional sponges looking for applause, affection, or appreciation from others, we cannot really lead.

Leadership takes courage. It takes guts to go against the crowd. Few can stand in the face of rejection, failure, or setbacks. More often than not, the right choice is the unpopular choice. It is hard enough to confront a non-performing employee, let alone a non-performing employee who is meeting your emotional needs.

When leaders become emotionally “enmeshed” in the workplace they lose objectivity. Before you can lead, you need to get your own needs met, outside of the workplace. While the workplace can, and should, offer the joys of collegial fellowship, it cannot, and must not, become the source of our emotional fuel. Therefore, effective leaders find their sustenance elsewhere. Here are some ideas that can help you be emotionally “full” so you have something extra to give:

Cultivate good family relationships.

I am confounded by the number of business leaders whose personal lives are, by their own admission, a total train wreck. They carry with them a big sack of broken relationships. They are distant from their fathers. They have experienced multiple divorces. They get involved with a string of short term romantic relationships and live-in significant others. And then they come into the workplace and pretend to be role models for young people. Yikes!

While I know that baby boomers are famous for compartmentalizing, experience shows that poor family relationships eventually undermine every other aspect of life. But when that garden grows rich and green it creates an emotional reservoir from which leaders can draw nourishment.
Cultivate a strong personal network.

While many executives are surrounded by acquaintances, too few have close friendships. I am not talking about drinking buddies or golf foursomes or weekend dinner clubs. I am talking about a few people with whom you can be totally open and honest about your faults and struggles. I am talking about people who will still accept you even if all the crutches of title and affluence fall away. I am talking about people who know who you really are and still like you.
Cultivate a personal area of service.

Nothing recharges our emotional batteries faster than serving others. Rather than simply lend your prestige to a United Way campaign, get personally involved. Work the phones on a hotline. Mentor a troubled teen. Hold the hand of a dying patient in his final moments of life. Find a place of “personal philanthropy” that has heart and meaning for you and get involved.
Cultivate a vibrant spiritual life.

Get your feet on solid ground before taking on the day. Get quiet. Submit yourself to a higher authority. Humble yourself in the presence of something larger than yourself. Reconnect with timeless truth. Read something positive. Spend time with others who share your beliefs. Tap into the power source.
Cultivate overall wellness.

In order to have something to give, we need to feel fit and healthy. Get oxygen flowing to the brain. Stop ingesting poisons and junk food. Tone up flabby muscles. Build stamina for the marathon of leadership. Take choice times of recreation that restore and reenergize.

But also practice what the great Psychologist Viktor Frankl called “mental hygiene.” Numerous studies prove that how we think profoundly influences our health. Irrespective of your circumstances, always put things into the right perspective. In prosperity, celebrate and give. In adversity, learn and grow. In everything, give thanks for this crazy thing we call life. Happiness is a choice that only you can make for yourself.

Want to be a leader? Want to make a difference in your company and community? Support yourself first, then you will have something to give to others.

Visit www.makingitwork.com for leadership resources from Syndicated Columnist, Author and Speaker Gene Mage.