How to talk to yourself

Talk to yourself to get better results

Gene Mage

“For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” Jesus Christ, Luke 6:45, NIV

When we open our mouths we exercise enormous power, for good or for ill. Maybe someone once criticized you unfairly. Perhaps someone else took the time to affirm your basic worth as a person. Would you agree with me that hearing the right word at the right time has life-changing consequences?

While much has been written on the art of conversation, we often overlook our most important conversation. Psychologists note that we all carry on a running dialog with ourselves. Pay attention next time you’re on a golf course and listen to the conversations going on to nobody in particular. “Why did you use the 7 iron? Next time use the 9 you dummy!”

Sometimes we audibly self-talk while we work or play. Sometimes that dialog is “within” our hearts, an unspoken conversation of the mind. Either way the words are just a real. Since the longest and most influential conversation is your inner dialog, here are some tip’s I have learned to make your self-talk start to work in your favor.

Tell yourself the truth. When something bad happens, what do you say? If you say, “I always do that”, or “I knew I shouldn’t have done that”, you are lying to yourself. You do NOT always make that mistake. And you had no way of knowing that a bad event would happen in your life. The truth is that you can choose how to respond. Instead, why not say to yourself, “Next time I’ll do better,” or “I had no way of knowing that would happen.”?
Confess your good qualities. It drives me nuts when somebody comes sulking into a meeting and says, “Well, I’m just not very good at details.” What an excuse! The person who is good at details is the person who pays attention. Your behavior determines your results, and your behavior is up to you. So confess those things that are good, such as, “I am paying closer attention to the details now,” or “I take pride in doing accurate work.”

Rehearse positive themes. One of the life-draining habits that people fall into is rehearsing negative thoughts over and over. For some reason, they play a mental tape that say things like, “I’m no good.” or “I’m too fat.” or “I’m going to mess it up.” and “I cannot trust anyone.” Then these same people wonder why those exact negative experiences happen in their life!

Instead, tell yourself the positive truth over and over. For example, “When I do my best, good things happen. I am prepared and excited to do my best. I am kind and responsible.” Now watch as the world begins to conform itself to your new way of thinking.
Speak with courtesy and respect. You would never go up to your best friend and say, “You dummy. You’re so stupid!” Why do you say those things to yourself? Use the same courtesy and respect in your self-talk that you would exercise in any important relationship. Instead, try, “Oops. It looks like I forgot something. Oh well. Things happen. I need to make a note to not forget next time.”
Keep your speech full of grace. People are not perfect. You are not perfect. Why do you cut other people slack, but beat yourself up all the time? Remind yourself that, “It’s OK to be human. Everybody makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them and keep on trying.”

As the text notes, our inner dialog eventually becomes our outer dialog. What we say to ourselves eventually shows up in our outward speech and actions. Since the words you say and the choices you make will determine your destiny, why not take charge of that dialog to create a more positive future?