Make your workplace a “No-Gossip Zone”
Gene Mage
When we speak words that diminish the worth of an individual not present in our conversation we are gossiping. Whether in truth or in error, intentional or unintentional, talking about someone not there to defend himself undermines trust, productivity, and organizational cohesion.
Gossip destroys the reputation of another human being in the eyes of others, while diminishing the stature of those who engage in the action. It is a lose-lose-lose situation. While gossip is normal and natural, it is extremely harmful.
The gossiper. The one who chooses to speak words to a colleague that undermine the reputation of one not present hurts herself. All those around him wonder, “If she talks about Frank that way when Frank is not around, I wonder what she says about me when I’m not around.” The gossiper quickly develops a reputation as someone who is “in-the-know”, but totally untrustworthy.
The gossiper reveals her personal weakness and insecurity. Lacking competence in dealing with problems openly, she resorts to cowardly attacks behind the scenes. The gossiper is too frightened to directly confront someone, but enormously brave when whispering in the hallway.
If you develop a reputation as someone who undermines others behind their backs, and cannot keep confidences, you will be shunned for any position of significant responsibility. Would you want to hire someone who you could not trust?
Each of us must make the choice not to speak words that diminish the worth of others not present in our conversations. If you demonstrate loyalty to others by dealing openly, and keeping confidences, you will earn high levels of trust.
The listener. The one who chooses to listen to gossip also suffers. Having heard hurtful words, the listener now distrusts the gossiper, and looks at the victim with suspicion.
And you cannot expunge the gossip from your brain. The impact is harmful and permanent. Now two relationships have been damaged.
When someone comes to us with a choice nugget, we must say, “I would rather not hear this,” or “Let’s ask the person in question to join our conversation so she can participate in this discussion.” When you refuse to listen to gossip you stop the hurt from going further, and encourage the gossiper to consider a more effective approach.
The victim. The one who is not present in the conversation is hurt by the words of the gossiper and the choice of the listener. He will forever distrust the gossiper, and will feel betrayed by the listener.
Are his injuries permanent? Not really. He must live in such a way that nobody will believe malicious gossip. But are his injuries real? Definitely. Others will see him and treat him differently having listened to the gossip. Worse, his actions will now be interpreted to fit the story people have heard. Innocent actions will be assigned nefarious motives by suspicious colleagues.
The victim of gossip must, as the “big person”, forgive gossipers and hearers, and take the initiative to build bridges, helping the gossipers and hearers learn to deal with their problems openly.
The leader. The leader who engages in, listens to, or tolerates gossip destroys the fabric of trust of his organization, and diminishes his stature among his peers. He becomes a “garbage can” for everyone’s problems. Those under him feel that they do not have to deal with a problem, but can go “right to the boss” and get the boss to solve it for them. Listening to gossip encourages irresponsibility on the part of the team.
Refuse to listen to gossip, and insist that everyone on the team talk directly to each other to solve their problems. Try words such as, “It sounds like you’ve got an issue with Terry. Let’s invite her in to sit with us as we discuss this.” After hearing that a couple of times, people will get the message, “This workplace is a no-gossip zone.”
Syndicated columnist Gene C. Mage is author of the book Managing for High Performance. To contact Gene, visit www.makingitwork.com.