July 15th,
2003
Choose the right
perspective on painful experiences
One summer as my sons and I walked through the air show at
the
Getting strong enough to handle the rigors of the Marine Corps lifestyle means enduring a significant amount of pain. While not exactly a selling point for the typical couch potato, it was an intriguing new way of looking at the problem of pain.
Just recently my youngest son, now eleven, purchased the Army Survival Manual at a local book store. He devoured the contents with interest, explaining to us the nuances of using a signal mirror, living off the land, and dealing with injuries when you are stranded miles from help. But one phrase really jumped out at me, “Remember, pain is not dangerous to your health.” Pain in and of itself is nothing more than electrical impulses running through the nervous system to the brain. While it indicates distress, it does not make the injury worse. On the contrary, it stimulates us to take action about the source of the pain.
In the case of our Marine Corps friends, pain is an indicator that there is weakness in a particular muscle group. They do not conclude that doing 100 chin-ups is impossible, only that they must strengthen those muscles to be up for the challenge. The pain of the process does not repel them from harder work; pain tells them that they are making progress.
Meanwhile back at the office I wondered if I had really
learned anything from those motivated Marines.
I had just finished a not-so-pleasant conversation with a
less-than-happy client. [Please don’t look so shocked. It happens, folks.]. I had exhibited some weaknesses, and the client
was letting me know how she felt about it.
Yes, that mercurial old friend named “feedback” had returned for a
visit.
After a couple of days of reflection on the experience I realized that I had a
choice to make. I could use that pain as
an indication of weakness leaving my character, or be repelled by it. I could be motivated by the pain or stopped
by it. I decided to take some
inspiration from the Marines.
When we trip up at work it can be incredibly painful. Superiors, subordinates, co-workers, and customers will let us know when we step in it. We can listen to those stinging words of criticism with the Marine Corps perspective in mind; that painful experiences are weakness leaving our character. Or we can be defensive about the feedback and discourage others from telling us what we need when we need to hear it.
I think that my own mental trap has been to see these painful experiences as both unexpected and unwelcome intrusions. I have been like the guy at the gym who feels a little soreness and says, “I better not overdo it.” But what if I realized that painful experiences are not harmful to my health? What if I were to change my perspective? So instead of seeing painful events as an indication of how weak I am, I could view them as a sign of how strong I am becoming. If I respond to the pain by working harder and strengthening my character I will be better for the experience.
For many years I have feared criticism because it is so painful. What if I no longer feared it, but accepted it as part of the process? What if I no longer dreaded making a mistake because of the painful consequences, but rather expected that in my humanness I will sometimes really screw it up? Those painful times, far from alienating me from others, bind me closer with those around me.
I think I’m feeling better already.
Syndicated columnist Gene C. Mage is author of the book Managing for High Performance. Send Gene your questions at www.makingitwork.com.